[pnpgm] wow what a rough 2 months..

[Scott Adams]

So to recap 4/9 mom had a Major Heart Attack and moderate stroke. She 
had fallen out of bed and we spent hours trying ot get her to bathroom.  
She has always been terrified of hospitals fearing once in never come 
out.  So almost 7 hours until she finally said yes call EMS.  A fateful 
thing that I regret to this day.  Maybe if had stopped or slowed stroke 
she migh tbe so much better.  I greatly regret the delay.  But maybe it 
wasn't the delay.  Last year sheen tot doc and he said she had a stroke 
around Jan 2022 and was at doc april 2022.  She was not aware. Aside 
form weakness adn headaches.

So who knows.  Tip: se a doc or ER fast.  Aspirin cna mean diff between 
life and death.

So she was at hospital maybe 2-3 weeks.  During that time or shortly 
after my fav Uncle er last brother died.  He also fell 4/21 fell and had 
a heart attack tho he already had 2 stints and wasn't 100%.

We don't now if it was stress that Mom had fallen and got sick. 
Coincidence? 12 days later?

So mom had 2 stints n and a Loop Recorder put n chest.  A small USB like 
thing that records heart stuff.  She also has ot wear a LifeVest which 
is a bra like external De - Fib.  So if she has trouble it will shock 
her back to life. She hates that thing.

So in hospital had minor rehab.  Then moved next door to a very high 
quality rehab center.  Brooks REhab.  All this was nice as it was only 5 
min drive.  So there 2-3 weeks.  There had rehab. Speech and PT and OT.  
So at one point was at Max Assit (2-3 people to help her move) to 1 with 
help.  But she was able to walk unaided as a normal walk about 90 feet 
down hallway.  At this point she was coherent with only minor short term 
memory issues.

But at end of Brooks time she got a UTI and that did not help her body 
and brain.  It probably made her stroke and bran worse. Her basic 
reasoning declined.  Delusional and paranoid.  Figured family was 
plotting against her and at some times fought with each person and 
figred she was being tossed away.  Granted this is typical of strokes.  
Medical wise this is not a new thing. Some react diff but many get this way.

 From broks she was sent to Cypress Village a highly rated short term 
rehab.  2-3 weeks.  Still a nice private room and had rehab. But here 
she fell 4 times.  At Hospital and Brooks they ahd bed alarms and we 
stayed 24/7 with her. At CV no alarms and not allowed or so they claim 
to be there 24/7 not overnight.

First time was first night I was there overnight and only told next day 
not allowed to stay overnight yet I just was allowed.

She fell on pillows 4am or so an dwas still asleep.  I did not even hear it.

Second time was next night.  FEll out of bed ad hurt herself on 
railing.  To this day we have no x-ray results from that place.

Then 2 more falls.  Last one sent to ER for head possible damage.

CV place said "have a right to fall" some stupid lawsuit that figures a 
bed alarm is a restraint and ths patients are allowed ot fall go for 
it.  Yet a bed alarm is nothing more than a weight sensor.  Place a 
infant or bolwing bed on bed it goes offorshiftin bedto getup it goes 
off its NOT a restraint.

There are more problems with CV from lousy staff and other issues.

So at mao er they find she actually has better heart function from 50% 
to 69%.  So that was good news.

So at end of ER stay we went and sent her to Long Care aka a nursing 
home.  Technially no more rehab unless I pay for it.  Now 2 to a room.  
Again no bed alarms so just lowered bed and put mats down.  A Def Fall 
risk as she tend s to think shes home and needs to go to bathroom or 
make coffee.  First night staff had problems keeping herin bed.

Place Woodland Grove WG is much closer 7 min car ride.  Compared to 
30-45 for CV.

Sadly its a middle level quality place.  There are 2 that are even 
closer including one I can wakl to on same street I live on only 3 or 4 
blocks down same road.  But both plaes have bad repsand I've seen one in 
acton for decades.

So you get what you can afford.  Even if Medicaid is paying for it. So 
shop if i this situation and rout the place for smells and neglect.  
Course any place even CV 4 star and WG is 2.5 or so CV had bad stuff to 
it as well.

So physically she could come home.  Mentally tho it is just unsafe. She 
has goodand bad days.  DAys we cna chat and be cohereent.  Other days 
confused and almost dementia level.  She still knows folks but forgets 
where she is and why she is there nad how long she has to stay there.

So home health or nursing ? Something all has to figure out.  If a rich 
Lawyer or Doc nochoice easy choice.

Cost-Home Health nurses you employ folks so you are the employer at 
nurses rates this is 16-17+$/hr.  Most only come 5 days a week 3 or 4 
hours a day.  At a cost about 12-14k$ a month.  Nursing - Medicaid would 
cover it but you'd need little assests so they'll take al social 
security.  Private pay at place like CV is 410$/day or 12-14k a month.

Food-Nursing 3 meals a day.  Though sadly she isnt' eating much. At home 
she'd maybe eat a small amounts and I'm no cook.

Medical - Nursing RX supplied on time.  Can have staff help with 
bathroom and other issues.  Home I could do the drugs easy but bathrooma 
nd other medical issues without a home health nurse would decrease 
quality wise.

Resources- At home I'd have to quit my job.  In order ot watch her 
almost 16-18 hours a day.  There goes any life and she said she does not 
want me to quit job.  Also Family would help but 1 niece is busy with 
kids and a hubby with a crushed heel.  Sis in law, Niece and Nephew all 
work nights and sleep mostly in day.  So I'd have little day help from 
family..

So I had to consider this all.  I could afford Home Health for 7 
months.  With investments maybe another 7 months.

401k once I can dip from it 59.5 or in 5-6 years I could probably last 
20 months or so.

So 34-36 months lets call it 3 years. Then I'd be broke. Assuming a 14k 
a month rate.

I do have offers from friends to move in (at least 1 is a nurse) to help 
24/7.  But again is it safe?  I desperately want her home.  If no stroke 
she'd be here home now. But with her reality issues de to stroke its 
difficult. Seeing tigers in the rooms or nightmares of staff doing open 
surgery with no drugs / torture is in her brain now.  While not 24/7 it 
can be a bad day but most times not a bad day.  If her brain repairs 
herself and she has maybe a month of all good days hten maybe I can 
bring her home. But do I risk her calling 911 thinking I'm some strange 
guy in her home (tho its now deeded to me) ?  That could very likely 
happen. The old mom is not there but she isnt' fully dementia yet.  Its 
a gray line.

Then Friday my fav aunt wife to uncle above died. She also fell and was 
in ICU for a week.  But finally died tho expected to based on her body.  
So 4/2 to 6/2? Hubby and Wife died.  Coincidence or broken heart syndrome?

So now mom is in a bed to me wasting away. It kills me.  So I keep her 
around 3 years shes only 82 then what? Another 10 years take her ot a 
nursing home now?

So why I am ramblig on and on.  Sorry I just want to go over what I've 
learned.  My advice: Plan now!

Mom/DAd had funeral arrangements and all paid up stuff by the 90s. So 
then 2k or so for a full funeral.  But did you know Medicaid sees this 
Funeral stuff as a asset? Yep.  The Feds coudl take that 2k or so and 
bam you then gotta repay for a new funeral at todays $ that's 10-15k.  
But we 13th hour thanks to a Elder Lawyer got it Irrevocable. So this 
means feds can't tough it.  So its safe.  So plan your funeral and pay 
for it now!  Make it Irrevocable.

Insurance: Another asset.  If poilicy is over 5k Feds cna take cash 
value and use it for her nursing home.  So the way around this is to 
transfer ownership to another person.  That makes it safe.

POA/POD: POA is critical together with a Will and/or Trust. Things 
should setup now.  POA power of attorney can be used to move $$ around 
or for medical directives.  POD point of death so basic beneficiary but 
more than that.  So where does it all go?  A will or trust or both can 
help it going to probate and the state takes over and could take 2-3 
years to get access to those assests.

Plan: For lawyer I had to scramble to get documents for 3 weeks. From 
Social Sec card or Medicare card to insurance or other stuff. Not a fun 
thing at last second.  Place house in anoher person's name mom's deed 
was safe in my name so feds can't take home away.  BUT it has to be a 
legit deed and not so recent or they cna still take home away in some 
loopholes.

Cars: Car is still a liability. Mom lost vision fromthe stroke so with 
eyes and brain doubt she will ever be able to drive.  So cars are a $ 
sink.  So may have to sell or end car insurance.  There is a little 
known thing with cars called a life event or something like it. We had 
this on our old 2000 honda suv.  Dad died in 2001.  We paid only 3 
payments so maybe 400$?  But that insurance paid the full price of car 
off.  We kept hte car for another 20 or so years.

So I've seen the extremes for mom we were 90% prepared.  Took like 3 
weeks to close loopholes.  But my cousin Matt who lost his mom/dad 
/(uncle/aunt) had 0 plans . 0 Directives. 0 poa.  So DNR was gone so we 
coudl not guide aunt and get her to sign papers in time.  Means Matt 
will have to deal with 2 full priced funerals, probate on mom/dad (house 
and insurance and such).  That will last years.  So plan ahead folks.  
Its a sad subject but think of the above.  One could wake up ad die end 
of day.  Don't wait till person is in hospital to plan.

It'll save $ and time.

So back to game...finally hes stopped depressing folks.

Had hoped to end game by now. But alas.  I had hoped you guys might've 
done more plans in the village? What to look for what to do? But oh 
well.  Still got time tho!  As things settle tho should have a update 
out soon maybe next week.

Tonight /ac drain is clogged so drains inside.  so too hot last 2 days 
to do much work soooo..will try tomorrow once fixed.

But if no more posts I'll just move folks to final destinatoin.

Sorry to be so length but I'm getting back into a groove.


Thanks









leg